I know, I know, I talked a big game about all the renovations we were going to do to this house. But can I tell you a secret? This house, while there are things that I love about it, has never sat well with me.
And you know, what? I just read the above paragraph and am a little sad and feel a little hypocritical because I do love parts of this house. I do love many of our memories in this house. I LOVE our neighborhood and our neighbors, I love that we can walk to preschool, I love that the grocery store and our favorite pizza place are right across the street.
But. But renovations are hard. They are hard when you are staying at home with two babies and when you are staying at home and trying to run a business (or two) with two babies. They are hard on your budget, and when your husband is your handy man and your wife is your designer and you stare at a project day in and day out that you are both too tired to finish, they can be hard on your marriage. Add that all up and you have one big happy meltdown a few times
Seriously though, Bryan and I have talked and talked and talked (the renovation summary of 2015: talking) and weighed every option and budget and potential life route and we keep coming to the same conclusion: maybe a house renovation isn't in our best interest right now.
Sometimes I wish SO much that I could just get over it. That I didn't care about how things look. That we could just pick any old house and move in and hang pictures and be done. Like, I have actually prayed that quite a bit in the past. But... that's actually kind of sad because I think that making things beautiful, that making a home, that....decorating, even if I'm still learning... is a gift that God has given me. That sounds silly. Interior design and home-building are such materialistic, first-world things. I fully realize that. And I have no clue why I have this drive in me but I do and I'm just hoping that God uses it at some point.
Please note: my key words in all of this are right now. Renovations aren't in the cards for us right now, but in the future...sure! Hopefully. We dream all the time. We talk about things we could do, businesses we could start. You know, go all Chip and JoJo, minus the superstardom. ;) Bryan has been fiddling with the idea of getting into contracting and I (no surprise) would love to get into interior design one day....but right now, we just want to focus on these fleeting moments with the precious little boys without feeling stressed and tired and like we never get a break and are throwing all our money at a house that will never be done.
Kudos to anyone who can juggle all of the above and be at peace and have tons of time... but we are not those people...right now.
So where does this leave us?
Well, for starters we are planning to build. We talked about trying to build on our own--buying a lot, contracting everything out ourselves, doing the floorplans and all that jazz, but again, we know that would be a huge time investment and we really have no clue what we are doing so we have decided to wait on that. We have plan. Who knows if it will work. For now, we are going to use a local builder who does some fabulous houses and really allows so much customization. I am super excited. We actually have already picked out a lot and a floorplan and are just waiting around on pricing before we sign the contract.
I'm also feeling a bit of mixed emotions, too, to be perfectly honest. Some days I stop myself and think...."You know, let's just stay here. This house is good. This house is plenty. There are so many more important things." But then I keep dreaming and thinking about our future plans and land myself back on the new-build. Also, this new house is more expensive than what we have now....and as much as we've talked through the numbers and as doable as it looks on paper I still stress because I'm a paranoid budgeter. Also, my little booth....not such a little expense, I'm quickly learning! I can see it starting to pay off, but being the obsessive planner that I am, it is hard to forecast where all of that will go. I'm really hoping it will be to great places! I have so enjoyed the experience so far. And also....I just like our current neighborhood. Our new house will essentially be in a cotton field. I mean, in the next five years it will be in a really nice neighborhood with a huge park....the elementary school is only a block away and they just started building a grocery store across the street, but still. I just have a hard time with change.
Really, I'm just a whiner on either end. :) I'm fairly sure that's how most moving situations go, though. They are all a little bittersweet, all a little scary, and all full of possibility.
So there's me!
I would really appreciate prayers on this. I am usually a strict "I don't pray about materialistic things because God is probably just rolling his eyes at me", but I do believe that He does care about every decision we make, even when it's something as luxurious as buying a new home. I know he wants me to be a peace....and I know he has been opening some HUGE doors to get us to this point. I just want to make sure this is the specific direction He wants us to go in. (I'm one of those people who are all...."Seriously God, I need like a really obvious sign.")
This was nice. I like blogging like this and never really do it anymore. Gold star for you if you made it through this post!